Gratitude: lesson from nature

"High Man", a nickname friends gave me for my often uncontrollable rage. Anger management has always been the weakest part of me. At times I would rehearsed again and again certain situation where my anger often go out of control, planning how I would react to in such situations. Yet it always happen that i hit the rock bottom when presented with real situation and this seems to go nowhere.

Read books and articles on anger management yet those are but an intellectual reading and particallity a far reach. Not that they are bad but the suggestion and tips don't seems to drive home with my inner self. Has even collected Bible verse and story to remind myself to not give in to anger but it didn't help. Fasted and prayed a dozen times, requested others to remember me in theirs too. All but a failure and here I am that same old with unpredictable sudden burst of angers.

During the pandemic and the confinement within closed walls that came along has given opportunity like never before. The wandering mind got amples times to jump from one topics to another's, when not in reading mood. When I revisited my anger problem this time, I began to realised the missing link in my approach. In the past, I look at my anger problem as a reaction to certain situation and not looking at the cause. For a long time, I had held that the cause was outside my control and that solutions lies in controlling my reaction. There in lies the missing piece, trying to fix the problem without addressing the root cause.

What I realised was that anger is but an outcome of our thoughts process. When I analyse the reason why I often get angry, I found out that the reason is non other than "entitlement". That am entitled to certain things and that certain things/situation should not happen the way it is. Through this lens am able to explain most of the situation of my uncontrollable angers. I think partly this has to be done with our childhood upbringing and teachings. One important facets of entitlement which had stuck with me for long is that God made man and make him master above all things. Old habits die hard they says and this has been one with me for a major part of my life.

 

The perspective that we are nothing more than a species has help me removed that entitlement thoughts from myself. Learning more of wildlife has taught me how to be greateful for what I have now. The love and care parents bestowed far outweigh that of other species provided to their young ones. The kind of trouble our near and dear ones goes to help us are all but to be grateful for. The little help that strangers offers are but unconditional and worth remembering. Knowing fully well that we are all in a race together and that someone extend to help us is indescribable. 

And now I must reasoned for those not so wanted moments of life. In a race of survival it's expected that another person will use all the means available to win the match. This way we can be grateful to them for not pulling their entire weight on us and that we could ignore those little bits of uncomfort.